if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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