I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
