I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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