I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
