i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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