is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
