i already hear my dad disowning me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
