i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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