Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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