I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
