Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
