I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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