he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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