she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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