...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
