Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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