ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
