Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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