return my video game
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
