3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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