and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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