...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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