I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
