I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
