so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
