Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
