I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
