cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
