I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
