he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
