Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
