I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
