I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
