peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
