I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
