i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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