i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is my gift to your gina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
