Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
