Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
