wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
