I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
