I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
