I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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