nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
