After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
