one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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