I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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