I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
