Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
