Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i think i just lost a toe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
