I just pynch a tree in the face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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